THE DAY LADY LIBERTY CRIED
by Jed Ryan

Since I've been working the night shift at New York University Medical Center in Manhattan for four years now, my days and nights are just about completely reversed. Like bats, opossums, and owls, I have resigned to being nocturnal. I went to sleep on Tuesday, September 11, at about 9 AM, when most people start their day.

When I woke up at 5 PM on that day, the world was a different place. On my answering machine there were three messages on my machine. One was an emotional, almost teary message from my friend who was concerned about my whereabouts. The second was a desperate message from by brother Jay, who almost NEVER gets excited about anything, also calling to see if I was OK. It took about 20 minutes after returning Jay's phone call to learn about what had happened: The World Trade Center and Twin Towers had collapsed, and possibly thousands of people had either perished or were missing. He asked me if it would be "wise" or even possible to get into the city that night for work.

I told him that I appreciated his concern but that the hospital would probably need as many staff and possibly volunteers that they could get that night. The westbound Southern State Parkway and westbound Long Island Expressway were both closed, only open to police, emergency personnel, and hospital/medical workers. I must have had to show my NYU I.D. about 20 times to police officers who were guarding the entranceways. Never before had such a congested highway been so desolate. On the way, 1010 WINS reported the news, still unbelievable, of what had happened. As I approached the Midtown Tunnel, a huge cloud of black smoke hovered above the area of what was once one of the most recognizable pieces of the New York skyline.

Being a Registered Nurse, I have seen many instances of illness and injury, and sometimes I feel like there's nothing that could still scare or shock me. But I was incredibly nervous when I thought about what to expect that night . I imagined a chaotic scene, panic, and being flooded with an endless stream of injured victims. But when I stepped on to my unit, the atmosphere was just the opposite. I was greeted with an eerie silence-- silence from disbelief, shock, grief, and fear about what could possibly be next. My Head Nurse told me that although NYU and the downtown hospitals (Beekman, St. Vincent's) did treat a large number of survivors for smoke inhalation and minor injuries caused by blowing debris, the sad reality was that most of the people recovered from the buildings were D.O.A.

Many of our NYU staff could not make it into work that night-- whether it be from the LIRR closing, other transportation problems, understandable fear about entering Manhattan, or - in the worst case - waiting to hear about a missing loved one. Many people who had scheduled volunteer surgery or outpatient tests had opted to postpone, while those who were sick or recovering laid in bed with their eyes glued to the endless, disturbing news footage on TV. Like the hospital staff, the rest of New York, the country, and the Free World, they felt helpless. Tom Verni, a New York City Police Officer who lives on Long Island and who marched with LIGALY (Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth, Inc.) at last June's Long Island Pride Parade, shared his experiences about the event: "Needless to say, I am physically wiped out. Psychologically, I am very drained as well. Knowing people who are missing and most likely (at this point) dead is sad enough... The Fire Department has already lost half a dozen firemen this year and now they are looking at 300 more funerals. The Port Authority lost many people as well, including police officers. The NYPD buries maybe a couple to a few cops a year (killed in the line of duty-- of course even one is too many). Now we will be burying almost two dozen police officers at one shot, a few of which I know personally as I said." Tom's haunting experience was buffered to some extent by the show of unity in New York. "The NYPD responded to the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995, and they came to repay the favor. We all just about cried when we saw them, and vice versa. Another thing that has been extraordinary is the public outpouring of support-- emotionally, physically, monetarily, and more-- something we (the NYPD) are not used to. We more times than not are being chastised by the public (sometimes for good reason) but rarely thanked or appreciated for many things that are done every day for them-- like saving their lives. Also, not only are they coming together to support the police as well as the other agencies, they are all coming together as one group regardless of race, class, gender, religion, or sexual orientation (with the exception of a few anti-Arab incidents which was unfortunately to be expected) to help each other out."

Like everyone else, the events of September 11, 2001, have left me shocked, saddened, violated, a little angry, and more than a little fearful. One night at work, I looked out of the window of my unit on the 17th floor to see the people of the sliver apartment across the street leaving the building in droves. Combined with a smoky smell that infiltrated the hospital, I had a moment of pure fear, sweating and getting palpitations. The smoke smell turned out to be a wind shift which blew smoke from the area of the wreckage, and across the street, it turned out to be an (obviously false) bomb threat. Near the area of the former World Trade Center, the workers are keeping most people away for safety reasons. The smoke is still there. Did you ever accidentally burn a piece of tin foil in the microwave? That's what the smell is like-- burning metal, but magnified about 100 times. Around the site, the surrounding buildings, now abandoned, are black from soot and have no windows left. In the rest of the city, police are everywhere, and road closures seem to pop up spontaneously.

For many of us, Manhattan is an escape-- a place to party, to shop, to enjoy cultural events, and to celebrate being gay or lesbian in an atmosphere which is, for the most part, infinitely more accepting than Long Island. I work in Manhattan and spend a great deal of my free time there. Like everyone else, I don't leave things visible in my car when I park in the streets. I stay out of so-called "bad" neighborhoods if I'm alone. But I NEVER feared any kind of external attack on New York City, terrorist or otherwise. I admit, I am biased. I've never lived in any other big American city, but I believe that, despite its flaws, New York is the greatest city in America as well as the world. To me, New York represents the ultimate in freedom. It represents freedom of creativity, freedom of expression, freedom of diversity, freedom of lifestyle. To me, the possibility of having that freedom snatched away from us is the most disturbing and anger-provoking part of this entire tragic saga.

However, New Yorkers are tough. Other cities and states may criticize New York and/or its natives for being "rude," "self-centered," or "cold." I prefer to use the terms "street-smart," "proud," and "realistic." It's these qualities which will help us rebuild our city, whether it's our residence or our adopted second home, and restore our freedoms.

The Long Island GLBT community has been at the forefront of the healing process. In just a week after the tragedy, we've seen innumerable examples of, and have heard life-affirming stories of, our community reaching out to the rest of America. Diane Bruessow, community activist and Founder of and Coordinator for the Long Island Lesbian Cancer Initiative, spread the word about fellow Long Island lesbians and friends working at the epicenter of the tragedy: Lois (Louie), a firefighter whose company in Brooklyn was relocated to the site in Manhattan that very afternoon; and Dawn, a Federal government worker who deals with terrorist actions on the Federal level. Dawn went to work as usual that morning at Federal Plaza, next door to the former World Trade Center, and is now working with the Federal Command Center at the heart of the tragedy. Since the attack, Diane is a consistent contributor to the L.I. Pride Discussions eGroup, offering a calm, composed, and balanced perspective to a group in which emotions and opinions sometimes run wild. She frequently reinforces the need for Americans to remember that ultimately, peace is the goal-- and becoming angry, as natural as it may seem at this moment, won't help us much.

That was just the beginning of our community's reaction. Activist and artist Louis Trapani has written a piece entitled "The Long Island GLBT Community Responds to the Tragedies," which can be read on his web site, ArtTrap.com (Click on "Community Connection" when you enter this site.) Louis describes an ."...All too familiar feeling like a target of terrorism (What GLBT person hasn't at times throughout their lives felt it?), (in which) we came together at various points and through various means to express 'the outage, sympathy, horror, and unity.'" Louis goes on to describe such events as CHOLI's (Community House of Long Island) Vigil on Thursday, September 13th. Five members of CHOLI stood at the corner of Deer Park Avenue and Long Island Avenue with lighted candles and an American flag to remember all of those whose lives were lost or affected by the events on September 11th. What started at 10:30 PM and was supposed to be half an hour of remembrance for those lost in the terrorist attack lasted until 1 AM. The five members of CHOLI were joined by neighbors from Deer Park, and the crowd grew to more than 20. Similar candlelight vigils were held at Forevergreen, Blanche, Pride For Youth, and LIGALY.

Our community has lost several brilliant members. According to the Human Rights Campaign, among the deceased are David Charlebois, the American Airlines Flight 77 copilot who perished when the plane crashed into the Pentagon; an unnamed nurse from New Hampshire; and an unnamed couple traveling with their three-year-old son. Openly gay Father Michael Judge, Catholic Chaplain for the New York Fire Department, died while administering last rites to a fallen firefighter. Our prayers are with them and their families.

Another deceased member of our community who is being hailed as a hero is Mark Bingham, owner of the public relations firm The Bingham Group, which had offices in New York and San Francisco. There is evidence that Bingham and three other men were "locked in a desperate struggle" with terrorists attempting to turn the San Francisco-bound United Airlines Flight 93 jetliner into a guided missile destined for a landmark. According to a USA Today article by Tom Kenworthy and John Ritter entitled "Passengers Likely Halted Attack on D.C.," Bingham and three other American businessmen apparently tried to save the hijacked jet, or at least make sure that it didn't hit its target-- which may have been the Capitol, the White House, or Camp David. The plane tragically crashed in Pennsylvania. America is hailing Mark Bingham, the other 36 passengers, and seven crew members of Flight 93 as heroes.

Mark Bingham attended the University of California, Berkley, and was on the Rugby team the year it won a national title. Bingham went on to form a gay rugby league in California. He was an asset to our community and will be missed.

What can we do to help recover from this American tragedy? We can make monetary gifts, donate goods, give blood, volunteer in medical centers, etc... but there's a more personal, basic way to start the healing process. First, pray to your God, Goddess, or higher power. Secondly, reach out to others. I'll make a safe bet that everyone in our community knows someone who has either lost or is waiting to hear about a missing loved one. As the chance of finding survivors among the wreckage seems ever the more slim, more family members and friends are losing hope. WE MUST NOT LET THEM. Working in a hospital, I know that miracles happen every day. I'VE SEEN THEM! Facing someone who has lost a friend or loved one is never easy. Too often, we say "There's nothing we can do." While it is true that we can't bring a deceased person back to life, we can offer support to the survivors. We can give a supportive ear, and allow them to express their grief. We can share our own stories of loss. Many people get more reward from reaching out on a one-to-one basis rather than mailing donations to large organizations.

On the subject of making donations, a coworker suggested that if a potential donor believes that making a donation to a large charity seems "impersonal," another alternative is to make a visit to your local (or a local New York City) Police or Fire Department and making a donation which would directly benefit widows, partners, and/or children of police officers and fireman who perished in the line of duty. There's also a few organizations who collect funding strictly for victims of the disaster, in which 100% of the donations go to the victims, families, and communities. One is The United Way September 11th Fund. Call them at 1-800-710-8002, or log onto their web site at www.September11Fund.org. Another is The World Trade Center Relief Fund (Phone: 1-800-801-8092, web site: www.Helping.org). The Firefighter 9-11 Disaster Relief Fund assists family members of fallen firefighters. Call 1-202-737-8474, or e-mail at info@firedonations.com. Of course, the American Red Cross is at the forefront of the disaster. (They are currently using the fabulous Melissa Etheridge in their commercials-- very cool!) Call the American Red Cross at 1-800-HELP NOW, or visit the web site at www.RedCross.org. I may get in trouble for saying this, but I cannot, given my feelings about GLBT rights, recommend contributing to The Salvation Army, given the organization's anti-gay theatrics a few months ago. The Salvation Army states that they never discriminate in regard to who receives their services, but they have made their stance on gay and lesbian right quite clear-- and it ain't pretty. This week I plan to visit the small gay-friendly shops on Christopher Street and other streets in the Village and Chelsea and SPEND, SPEND, SPEND. If you can possibly get to the city, this may be one of the best things that you can do. Remember that many small shops and other businesses, as well as green grocers, most likely have lost a lot of business due to street closures and the lack of the many tourists and other out-of-town visitors they may get in a single week. Why not do your birthday/Christmas/Hanukah shopping early?

I would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone in the GLBT community to resist the temptation to take out our anger at American Arabs or other Muslims. If this sounds like preaching,I apologize, but I am stating this because I have already heard about and seen instances of medical staff and other workers at NYU Medical Center where I work being harassed and even threatened because they are Arab-American or simply "look" Middle Eastern. Some patients are even refusing care by Middle Eastern-American MD's. Americans love having a scapegoat, and for so long the GLBT community has been a favorite. We, as a community, cannot stand up for and demand respect and acceptance of our community if we ignore discrimination directed at other minorities. I know that the Long Island GLBT community is really gentle by nature, and I can't imagine members of our community harassing, discriminating against, or directing anger at any specific ethnic or religious group. However, we it shouldn't stop there. We must also avoid ignoring these instances when we see others acting hateful. We must try to pass on the message of respect and tolerance for ALL.

On behalf of the staff of LIPP, I would like to express my support and sympathy to all those who have been affected by this tragedy, directly or indirectly. In his article, Louis Trapani concluded with a statement which holds true, but only if we have faith and believe it: "We will prevail, here on Long Island and elsewhere!"

To read more of Diane Bruessow's contributions and to stay up to date (to the minute) on the Long Island GLBT scene, subscribe to L.I. Pride eGroup at Yahoo Groups, click on li-pride-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. To read Louis' article; read other writings by Barry Jones, Rick Cullen and others; as well as see LOTS of photos from Long Island GLBT events, check out ArtTrap.com and click on "Community Connection." To get news on the latest goings-on in the world from an unabashed gay and intelligent perspective, join John Aravois' "The List" at join-thelist@wiredstategies.com. John Aravois, you may remember, is the creator of "StopDr.Laura.com," which helped lead to the demise of fallen harpy Dr. Laura.

Illustration: Jed Ryan © 2001

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