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MAGNUM:
THE NEW MANHATTAN SUNDAY NIGHT HOT SPOT (Enjoy
It While It Lasts, Boys and Girls!)
by Jed Ryan
It's
a not-so-well-guarded secret among New York City partiers
(both natives and hip visitors from L.I. and the outer
boroughs) that the best nights to go out in The Gay Apple
are Thursdays and Sundays. (Although there's fun stuff
to do every night!) On Friday and Saturday, it's just too
crowded, and the clubs and bars fill with all types of
undesirables: gawking straights ("Look -- there's two guys
kissing!"), out-of-state tourists in outfits that should
be criminalized, and "Look-at-me-I'm-so-cool! I-go-into
Manhattan-once-a-month!" Long Island geeks who embarrass
themselves with their drunken theatrics.(Here's a tip,
guys: Learn how to behave in public!) OK, I know that we
all work during the week, but think about this: All work
and no play makes Johnny (or Vinny, or Mark, or Joe) a
dull boy. So isn't it better to sleep at your desk on Friday
knowing that your overall mood will be improved? Trust
me, your boss will forgive you. As for Sundays, well, we're ALL tired
on Monday mornings anyway, no matter how much sleep we
get. Two of my person favorite nightspots are The Cock in
Alphabet City (188 Avenue A at 12th street) and The
Hole in the East Village (29 Second Avenue at 2nd St.)
These two places couldn't be more different from the larger,
more pretentious dance clubs like SBNY (formerly Splash),
where you'll be ostracized if you're wearing last year's
shoes. The Cock (look for the giant neon rooster
in the window and you'll know you're there!), a self-described "rock
and sleaze fag bar," is the smaller of the two. It's quiet
there at the beginning of the week, but come Thursday,
things heat up: every night there's different party with
a titillating name: Thursday is "No Wave," Friday
is "All Hands on D*ck," and my favorite night, Sunday,
is "Sperm". The Cock also has a back room
where the lights inexplicably stop working at 2 AM. Hmmm...
Sunday's also the night that famed DJ Man Parrish spins.
The music? Everything from underground 80's new wave rarities,
to rock, to lost disco classics. The dress code? Individuality
is stressed, although the common themes seem to be T-shirts,
jeans, boots, tattoos, body jewelry, and anything black.
Of course, every cock needs a hole. The Hole, a
bigger place (2 floors), also has theme nights, great music,
and special guest DJ's, the most notable of which was rock
living legend Jayne County, who spun a few months ago. The
Hole's most popular and notorious night was Thursdays,
when it was "XXX," attracting some B-list celebrities
and sex-crazed visitors from countries like Germany and
Italy. That's the night that the basement became just a
huge mix of heat, sweat, skin, and things I can't tell
you without a note from your mother. (Use your imagination!)
The party literally got so big that it self-destructed:
lines were around the corner, it took an hour to get to
the bathroom, and it was literally wall to wall men. After
only months, "XXX" had to move to a new location.
Although "XXX" moved, the hot horny men and anonymous
debauchery stayed.
Unfortunately, as they say, loose lips sink ships. And a couple
of weekends ago, the Hole was raided on a Friday night
and padlocked until Monday. At The Hole's spiritual
sister club, The Cock, the lights mysteriously repaired
themselves after 2 AM, and a skinny guy with a Hitler mustache
and attitude to match walked around telling the guys to keep
their zippers zipped. According to "HX" Magazine, a
few straight clubs as well as some cabaret spots were also
raided, and the official reason was not sex, nudity, or drugs,
but rather the ultimate sin... dancing! The Hole didn't
have a cabaret license. Was this just another attempt by the
city to squeeze money from the club system? (They do that,
you know-- even though the revenue from from NYC nightlife
is the only cash flow that HASN'T slowed down after
September 11th.) Or is Mayor Bloomberg just trying to be mimic
the only bad legacy of Mayor Guiliani, thinking it would increase
his popularity? Who knows. But personally, I think that The
Cock and The Hole will both resume their hyperventilating
parties REAL soon-- and I'll keep you posted!
In the meantime, using the mentality that "Bigger is Better,"
the promoters of "XXX," Dean Johnson and Johnny McGovern,
moved the party to an upscale restaurant (!) in Chelsea called
The Park. On Sunday night, April 7th, the party, re-christened
"Magnum," was the bona fide, hands-down, ultimate place to
be. The Park, though unassuming from the outside, is
three floors(!) with chandeliers, Oriental-influenced decor,
and an outdoor patio-- complete with hanging gardens-- which
will be open soon with the warm weather. The restaurant closed
at 10 PM to make room for the hundreds of thrill-seekers that
night. Promising "drinking, dancing, and sodomy" on their
invitations, there was plenty of all three as two DJ's, male
strippers, and "erotic entertainers" pleased the masses. There
was also a hot tub (but no bathing suits!), an entire room
on the third floor where again, the lights stopped working
(!), and music on the second floor directly imported from
the  eclectic
roster of The Cock and The Hole. Some of the
musical oddities included Madonna's "Angel" and Culture
Club's "The War Song!" Spotted: Mike Albo and David
Ilku of the Off-Broadway performance art piece "Unitard
3," Michael Musto of the Village Voice, and Danny Pintauro
(Remember him from "Who's the Boss?") Although I swear
that Heather Locklear was there, my friend Mark disputes that
it was her. I hope I didn't embarrass her, if it really was
her, when I yelled out "Heather Locklear's here!" Talk about
bad behavior...
The creators of "Magnum" make no bones about how their party
at The Park may be short lived-- as the word gets out, you
never know when the Fun Police are coming around. So enjoy
it while it lasts, boys and girls. Magnum takes place at The
Park, 118 10th Avenue (at 17th Steet), Sundays at 10 PM.
Call (212) 352-3313.
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